Are you having doubts about your relationship or marriage? Do you feel that something’s off, but you’re not quite sure what it is? If you’re in that space of wondering whether there’s a future in your relationship, you’re not alone. As someone who has personally experienced this challenging situation, I want to share with you three simple steps to explore where you are and what might be the next steps in reaching a decision about your relationship’s future.

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My Personal Experience

Before we dive into the steps, let me share a bit about my journey. Having given up my corporate job to be a full-time mom, I was financially dependent on my partner. This created a huge fear around really delving into the issues and figuring out what I needed to do.

However, during the COVID pandemic, things came to a head, and I realized I couldn’t ignore these feelings any longer. It was time to face the music and make some tough decisions.

Step 1: Listen to Your Instinct

The first step in this process is to tune into your instincts. You may have had those nagging feelings for a while, and now it’s time to dig into them a little more. Here are some tools that worked well for me:

1. Journaling: Take out a pen and paper and start writing down your thoughts. What’s going through your head? What patterns are you noticing in your relationship?
2. Meditation: Create time and space just to think. You might find guided meditations specifically around relationships helpful, as they can prompt you to answer insightful questions.
3. Mindful Observation: Pay attention to your day-to-day life. When you’re interacting with your partner, what’s happening? Where are you clashing? Where do you see misalignment or lack of resonance? Try to observe as if you’re a detached third party.
4. Reading: Explore books on relationships and personal growth. They can provide new perspectives and insights.

The key here is to gather information and observations about your relationship dynamics.

Step 2: Reflect and Review

Once you’ve gathered your observations, it’s time to reflect and review. This might involve:

1. Conversations with Trusted Friends: Speak with other women who have been through similar experiences. Choose people whose values align with yours and who you can have open, honest conversations with about your feelings.
2. Professional Help: Consider seeking the support of a therapist or relationship counselor. They can provide unbiased insights and tools to help you navigate this challenging time.
3. Self-Reflection: Take time to really dive into your feelings. Remember, it’s highly unlikely these issues will simply go away if ignored.

In my case, I initially thought my feelings might be due to financial dependence. So, I took steps to create some financial independence for myself. However, when I reflected again, I realized the niggling doubts were still there. It wasn’t just about the money – there were deeper issues at play.

Step 3: Make a Decision

This is often the scariest part of the process. Making a decision about the future of your relationship, especially a long-term one, can feel terrifying. I know – I was in a marriage for over 20 years, had been with my husband for over half my life, and we had three children together. The weight of the decision felt enormous.

Whether you decide to stay or leave, there will be implications. For me, the overriding factor that led to my decision to divorce was the realization that something was fundamentally off in our relationship, and it wasn’t fixable despite our efforts.

I also considered the message I would be sending to my children if I stayed in an unhappy relationship. I didn’t want to teach them that it’s okay to remain in a situation where you’re unhappy. Ultimately, I felt that making the right decision for me would be the right decision for them in the long run, even though it meant breaking up our family unit and navigating a difficult path.

Emotional Support is Crucial

Remember, this process is an emotional rollercoaster. You’ll likely experience a range of intense emotions – grief for the relationship you’re leaving, fear of the unknown future, anxiety about the impact on your children. It’s a massive emotional undertaking.

To help navigate this, two key things are essential:

1. Self-Care: Look after yourself. This is a tough road, and you need to be at your best to handle it.
2. Support Network: Ensure you have good support in place. Have family and friends around you who can hold you up on those days when your anxiety is through the roof, when you’re struggling to breathe, when everything feels overwhelming. Know who you can call for a cup of tea and a supportive conversation.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

While this process is undoubtedly challenging, know that it does get lighter and brighter as you move forward. As you become more confident in your decision, you’ll find strength you didn’t know you had.

Remember, there’s no universally right or wrong decision – only the decision that’s right for you. Trust yourself, listen to your instincts, and take the time you need to navigate this journey. You’ve got this, and there’s support available every step of the way.

Whatever decision you make, I wish you strength, clarity, and peace on your journey forward.

To Your Financial Wellness,

Caitriona